God is FOR me. God is for ME.

Grasp the fact that God is for you--let this certainty make its impact on you in relation to what you are up against at this very moment; and you will find in thus knowing God as your sovereign protector, irrevocably committed to you in the covenant of grace, both freedom from fear and new strength for the fight. [J.I. Packer]

Yes, God is for me. 
     If God is for us, who can be against us?


But reading my friend Andrea's post which included Packer's quotation brought one issue forcefully to my mind: But why? Why is God for me? And should He even be?


This morning I transgressed God's law. And not in a "Oops, what just happened?" sort of way. This was a "I hear You talking and I don't want to listen!" sort of way. It was iniquity, sin, rebellion. I defied God to His face.


But He is "for" me?


It doesn't make any sense. He knows what I've done-- He was right there. But He is still "for" me. Why? Shouldn't He be against me? Shouldn't He at least be neutral? Or distant? Shouldn't He be watching me fight my own battles and losing and muse to His perfect self, "If only she hadn't rebelled..."?
But He is "for" me.

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?"  [Romans 8.31-35]

God gave up His Son for me, holding nothing back. He offers to me, graciously, every good thing in that Son. God is my justifier, defending me against the (accurate and well-documented) accusations of the enemy. He stands on my side of the courtroom and defends me against the penalty of the crime I committed against Him to His very face. The very One, the only One, with the power to condemn me for my manifest rebellion stands as my Intercessor, His own blood shed for my sake. And no matter where I am, His love is there with me. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can separate me from the love of Christ. 


He is "for" me!


Grace really is amazing.

the kisses of his mouth

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth--

  for your love is more delightful than wine."

  Song of Songs 1:2

Five years of married love and it just keeps getting better.

I love you, Joshua! Thank you for showing me what real love is like.

#44. Realizing that my life is better than I dreamed about as a kid.

I live in a house with a yard. I have a nice car (a 2001 Honda Civic, but I think it’s pretty nice :) and I own a computer and a convection toaster oven. I’m sleeping on clean sheets and I’m watering plants and watching the hastas grow under my front window. I’m fit and healthy; my back is strong. I get my hair done in a real salon and I go to the dentist for cleanings. I have friends— good people, fun people, people I can openly share with. 

These were all things I didn’t have as a child, things I used to long for. I yearned for clothes from Old Navy, I pined after clean cars and fresh fruit, I wished to live in a place to which I could invite people. And now I have all these things, all these things and more. 

But it’s more than the things. 

I have a Savior, my Lord Jesus Christ, and He has lavished on me so many gifts. I have a confidence I never had as a child, a sense that it’s okay to speak my mind. I have a husband— something I didn’t really long for as I child or a teenager (back then I thought love was for the romantically foolish), but caught me by surprise and totally remapped my interior life. I have a college degree…  and now I’m finishing up my masters degree. I understand my place in the world. I feel now; I experience emotion in a way I never did before, deeply. I have a voice, I’ve been gifted, I know what it means to live.

I’m no longer the child that I was ashamed to be. I’m a woman, a very blessed woman looking to the future with hope and enjoying the present moment with deep satisfaction.

into golden brilliance

Up temple steps,
one Alistair goes reluctantly
with arms full of books
and his left shoe untied
and a mind back in the stacks
searching for the one last
reference which (he pretends)
would complete
his research and, so,
him.

A girl, Lysette, sits
on one polished bench inside
and with an unmoving gaze
watches the moving fresco
of the sky. Her young
mind sees the blue reimagined,
clouds spun in gold.
Her books are outside the gate.

Temple emerges from navy
midnight to pure rose
, into golden brilliance.
Sinks into purple
dusk again. A temple
in time.