do not read this post. it is boring.

Okay. I warned you. Really, you won't like it. Go read something else.

I am tired; so tired that after my (admittedly intense) workout this morning I felt physically sick. I need sleep. // I'm freaking out a little bit about my last two projects due this semester. I got overly ambitious in this research project due tomorrow, now I'm doing last-minute restructuring to the entire endeavor in order to put out a mediocre paper when what I really want to produce is an awesome paper that contributes to real knowledge. // I've got a series in Chicago coming up REAL fast and I feel so underprepared, all the while wishing, hoping, (but not really praying) that it will be beneficial to the world and an instrument of the Spirit. // All of this academic studying into theological problems in the Adventist church is a great weight upon my mind. The thing is that in academia


 is controverted.


 And when you study theology, that means that everything about your faith is under fire. On every issue I look at, I end up staring into the face of doubt and it's a conscious choice to


 and to (again and again) submit myself to God's Word, knowing that I can't wait to believe until every question is settled.... waiting for additional light. I face questions not only from inside, and not only from my coursework, but I, for better or worse, am also the go-to person for other people's doubts. As I said, this is a great weight upon my mind. // The magnolias are beautiful. Very, very beautiful.