Tenacious, dysfunctional, undependable me.

Two things:

One. I'm a completely undependable person, especially to myself. There is no other person in the world that I hear so many excuses from, nor any other person that I have to keep such a close watch on. If I give myself an inch, I'll take a mile. It is ridiculous. I'd sever the relationship, but I can't find a way out.* 

Two. I struggled today as I looked at my to-do list. Joshua and I have a system for our house chores and it works so well---when we use it. We have cards for each item needing to be done, color coded by frequency, a nice little card file box with nice little dividers for days and months. The problem is not at all with the system, but with me. My struggle was that I didn't feel like doing my particular tasks tonight . . . and I'm on Christmas break, so what's the rush? Why not wait until I feel like doing it? I have all the time in the world! So I as dusted and vacuumed and shampooed and wiped I had a few minutes to think over this dilemma and I've decided something: I need to do my chores when I don't feel like doing them. Not just to keep the system running, either, but because I need practice at doing what needs to be done when I lack the desire to do it. Self-discipline won't come to me from on high, it has to be developed. (And I can't wait until I feel like it to start developing it!)

lazy gorilla. 

*The theologian in me must remark on this. Biblical theology describes a death to self and a resurrection life, the life of the living Christ lived out in the believer (see Romans 6 and Galatians 2). In this sense, it is possible to change the relationship of ourselves to our "selves." But biblical theology seems also to say that this dying to self is a regular process; in other words, we have to keep breaking off the relationship and choosing another master. So in this sense, we are never free of "self" until the final transformation at the second advent of Christ (see 1 Corinthians 15 and 1 Thessalonians 4 and 1 John 3).